I want to have your abortion
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
