i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
