I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
