Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
