textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
