you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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