Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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