SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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