do herpes really smell.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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