Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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