She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize