When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
