I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
