Swine flu. Run for my life!
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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