ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
