shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
