My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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