Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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