im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
