Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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