you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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