do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
