ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
