I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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