**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
