I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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