just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
