I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
