Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I understand Curling. That high.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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