Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
