i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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