Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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