somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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