I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
