i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
