he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
