I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
