Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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