Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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