I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
