I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
