I want to make a zoo with you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm just crazy horny about you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
