I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
