is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't deserve a penis
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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