i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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