every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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