I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
