And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
