Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
