Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
