Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
