i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
